Dialogue on spiritual friendship (with Kyle Hilding)

Jackson: 

Hey, brother! So, we agreed we were going to have a dialogue around the importance of friendship to the spiritual journey. We agreed we were going to host this dialogue via email, to give each of us ample time to reflect on our answers. To start off, maybe you can write a bit about how we met, what you remember of that meeting; how we reconnected, how our relationship has evolved since? Then you can ask me a question or share an insight.

Kyle: 

Hey friend, 

We first met in Ecuador in 2015, but we really knew nothing about each other until about 3 or 4 years later.  At that time, I had begun making YouTube videos about philosophy and spirituality and saw that you were doing the same thing on Facebook.  I was impressed by the depth of wisdom you were posting, so I reached out to see if you would be interested in having a conversation on my YouTube channel.  During the interview, we connected right away through deep topics and laughter.  After that, we began having weekly or monthly phone calls about life and spirituality until I visited you in 2020 in Madison, Wisconsin.  Since then, we have seen each other in person about every 4 to 6 months to reconnect.  Our conversations vary between depth and humor.  We can have fun discussions about just about anything.  We have built immense trust, mutual respect, fraternity, and love during that time.  I truly cherish our friendship and I am excited to see how our friendship continues to develop.  How do you see it so far? 

Jackson:

Hm: I appreciate your description, and I agree. I would add: there have been times where you have helped me through things, specifically in the instances of kundalini awakening and romantic relationship. For the former, we both had kundalini awakenings around the same time–you first, me second–and you were helpful in terms of framing what was happening, and in encouraging me to seek out certain forms of grounding/counsel at that time. Additionally, our conversations helped to remind me I was not crazy despite what was happening. As for the second (romantic relationships), I don’t think it appropriate for us to get into specifics in this forum, but there have been times where we were able to compare experiences, hardships, and through those comparisons, develop some wisdom for our respective next encounters. I feel that that entire, iterative process is instrumental to fortifying and amplifying wisdom in oneself–that a friendship with a fellow spiritual seeker enriches one’s life, mind, heart in this way. To you, what is the value of friendship on the spiritual journey?

Kyle:

Jackson:

Again, I appreciate your answer. Once more, it would feel inappropriate to speak in specifics in a venue we will ultimately publish, but broadly speaking my spiritual friendships have helped me to accept difference and develop patience and compassion. For example, I have another friend who is also a spiritual seeker, and in my opinion struggles with addiction; I have also seen this friend step into and out of abusive relationships. Through these times, I have needed to develop patience and compassion for this person, as I knew that his timeline, intentions, and values did not necessarily mirror my own; although I might wish certain outcomes for him, at the end of the day he was on his own journey. In a similar vein, another friend comes to mind who shares with me in possessing a very spiritual disposition toward life, but does not believe in reincarnation, astrology, psychic phenomena–extra-scientific modes of intelligence that feel critical to who I am. With this friend, there has been a lot of rubbing away at my own edges in order to arrive at respect, a kind of non-judgmental acceptance of difference. In their best form, I feel that spiritual friendships can teach us how to bridge difference and serve as a model for this kind of action in the world. Do you think that people can reach the same heights of evolution if they walk this path alone?

Kyle:

Jackson,

That is a very good point that our friends help us see that there are a myriad of different roads to take along the route to spiritual awakening.  We often project and assume that since we approach spirituality one way, that it is the best way. When in reality, our way is simply what is best for us. 

Also, with your example of addiction by another friend, you can learn certain life lessons through being a friend with someone going through an issue so you do not have to necessarily struggle with that issue yourself. Overall, in my view, in order to become a well-rounded spiritual person, one needs a small community of close friends as well as a mentor.  For me, I can make selfish, shortsighted mistakes and other people tend to help return to a spiritual homeostasis.  What are your thoughts on your own question?

Jackson:

Spiritual homeostasis is such a great phrase! 

In response to my own question, no, I do not believe one can reach the same “heights” without friends, a mentor, etc–the supports you describe. Or maybe “heights” is not the right word–people can certainly have spectacular, transcendent, and illuminating experiences on their own, but in order to integrate those experiences I believe one needs a community. Thus, maybe “rounded” is a better word for what is possible only within said community. 

Outside of this dialogue, we have discussed how busy each of us is with various things, and for that reason we need to close down the dialogue. Is there anything you would like to add before we do so?

Kyle:

I fully agree that spiritual experiences are quite possible alone.  And like we mentioned, it requires a community of reflections to see into our whole being.  The integration process of our full self is where the work truly lies.  

I have truly enjoyed this conversation and have learned a lot! Is there anything you would like to close with? 

Jackson:

No, not really–I appreciate you as a friend and have learned much also. Thank you for your time, generosity, and wisdom. Namaste!

Kyle: